How to be easy on yourself, and stay out of trouble.
In an ideal world, breakups would be a “conscious uncoupling” during which all parties would lovingly, gently say their goodbyes and offer well wishes to their now ex-partner.
In my world, breakups have not gone so smoothly. Issues which have prevented conscious uncoupling range from lying and cheating to mutual disappointment and resentment.
I recently ended a year long relationship, and quickly realized that coping was much easier during the work week. I love what I do and keep my schedule packed with client calls, mentoring sessions and other projects. Outside of work, I book yoga classes, dinner with friends and pencil in paddle boarding excursions on my calendar.
For the first few days post-breakup, I felt relieved and euphoric. “I love being single,” I proclaimed to my friends. “I am sleeping so much better, love not having to clean up after him, and have SO much time to pursue my passions.”
Although I loved this person, it seemed crystal clear that the relationship was unhealthy and needed to end. We had run out of options, and it was time to part ways. I had made up my mind.
The weekend, however, has been a whole other story. Despite making every attempt to fill my schedule with healthy plans (yoga, massage, visiting friends, writing, checking projects off of my “to do” list), I found myself in bed for most of Saturday drinking wine and bingeing on cheese and crackers, cookies and whatever else I could get my hands on.
I topped the evening off with a prescription sleeping pill and unsurprisingly woke up feeling ten times worse the next morning. In my depressed and anxious state, I began having irrational thoughts. “Maybe things weren’t so bad,” I pondered. “Maybe we could be friends. I should call him and suggest that!”
A trip to the grocery store, which seemed to be filled with happy couples doing their Sunday shopping, nearly put me over the edge. On the verge of tears, I contemplated driving to his house, giving him a big hug and pretending everything was going to be alright. That we could pick right back up and magically become a happy, healthy couple.