I Will Return to Sri Lanka

Survivor’s guilt and processing tragedy from afar.

On a recent episode of the Daily Show, Trevor Noah commented on the self-centered way in which Americans process international news. While discussing a story of an American woman and her guide who were kidnapped in Uganda, he made light of our narcissistic inclination to relate tragedies back to ourselves. “I’m American, that could be me!”

I was confused by my initial reaction upon hearing news of the April 2019 terrorist attacks in Sri Lanka, which left over 350 dead and another 500 wounded.

I felt heartbroken and chills ran through my body. It was an eerie and unfamiliar sensation to learn that a horrific terrorist act had been carried out in a specific place I had visited so recently. There are 195 countries in the world, and over 20,000 hotels in Sri Lanka. My friend and I had spent a week at the Cinnamon Grand in Colombo, one of three hotels that was targeted, just a few months prior.

I realize this does not make the tragedy mine, and no words can describe the pain and suffering of those who were directly affected. Perhaps what I felt, and still do today, was survivor’s guilt. Why did I get to enjoy the lovely breakfast, the rooftop pool and the spa amenities and walk out scot-free, when the unfortunate travelers and hotel employees who were there on Easter Sunday suffered a different fate?

Cameras set up in Cinnamon Grand’s Taprobane restaurant show Inshaf Ibrahim, 35, awkwardly hovering around diners just…